7 things i’m leaving in my 20’s
It’s an end of a decade.
I have officially entered into my 30’s and I am embracing it with open arms and a full heart.
In my early 20’s I winced each year at the idea of getting closer to my 30’s. I remember thinking that 30-year-olds have their shit together. They have their happily ever after, their dream job with the white picket fence - I could not have been further from any of those.
My 20’s were truly something let me tell you. Looking back at some of these pictures you see a girl smiling through her brokenss.These were a lot of my selfish years. I experienced heartache and pain I never thought I’d see the other side of. I let people mistreat me and I mistreated a lot of people. I ended an engagement. I got a divorce. I walked (slowly) down the path of healing from childhood pain. I let bad image days ruin my week. Drinking to fill voids. I learned a LOT of lessons the hard way.
With the bad, there always comes good. There really was so much good. Through all the pain and mistakes, I was building knowledge, accountability and resilience. I learned stepping out of my comfort zone can lead to another level of self-confidence. I found my love for helping others. I found wholeness after the brokenness. I built a relationship with my daughter I wish I had growing up. I found my voice. I learned how to say no. I broke a toxic generational cycle. I got fed up of men treating me like an an option and found someone who made me their choice. If only I could go back and wrap my arms around younger Kylie and let her know, it all ends up working out.
If I’ve learned anything this last decade, it’s that I won’t ever be fully prepared for what life throws at me and that even beautiful things have endings. No matter how broken, complicated or messy moments of time can be there was always a purpose for those moments showing up in your life when they did. When you didn’t get the job, you get diagnosed with extreme PTSD, your best friend stops returning your texts or the guy you thought was your knight in shining armor breaks up with you. I remember sitting on my closet floor sobbing uncontrollably after the guy I thought was “it” ended things. I thought I was so heartbroken from feeling rejected, but now I know those tears were from my fear. Fear of having to start over, the fear of it just being me and the fear of my daughter being old enough to see me go through a heart break.
Little did I know that not all storms come to disrupt your path but to clear them. That breakup forced me to have to bet on myself, take risks I never would have if I was comfortable and showed my daughter that from sadness comes happiness. I thank God that that relationship did not work out because I would not be married to my best friend today.
They say turning 30 is an attitude. It says you’ve got what it takes to get where you’re going and you’re finally catching up to those dreams you’ve been chasing in your 20’s.
If I’ve learned anything this last century, it’s that I won’t ever be fully prepared for what life throws at me, that even beautiful things have endings and God will restore what was broken and use it for good.
Here are 7 things I learned these past 10 years that are staying in my 20’s:
Pretending I didn’t have an opinion when I did have an opinion, just to keep the peace and make their life easier.
Choosing people who weren’t choosing me but convincing myself they were choosing me because I was scared to be alone.
Trying to make everyone have a positive perception of me - it’s ok to be the villain in some people’s story.
Allowing people to out stay their welcome in my life - some people are just meant for seasons.
Allowing the fearful part of me to run the show at all times - the courageous part of me is ready to have her moment.
Apologizing for who I am for those who don’t understand me - you’re not meant for everyone.
Pretending I don’t need help - I really can’t do everything. It’s fucking exhausting and lonely. You are not weak asking for help.